2014 | The Daily Idiocy

March 4th, 2014

“Totally Disgusting” Lost Julia Child Recipes Discovered

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“There was a time when Ms. Child was hitting the sauce pretty good,” said colleague Jacques Tootite. “And I don’t mean the bechamel sauce either.” At a dinner party at her home one evening, she and four dining companions managed to polish off ten bottles of a vintage Cabernet. In a drunken frenzy, Ms. Child dashed into her kitchen and embarked on a wild night of culinary experimentation that lasted until the wee hours. The sickening results were jotted down longhand on the back of an electric bill which was discovered behind her 1973 avocado green refrigerator. Found there are such truly vile concoctions as Anus of Lamb, Mule Turd a L’Orange, Chicken Fried Lint and Asparagus Filled Jelly Doughnuts. “These were never meant to see the light of day, not to mention a serving plate,” said Monsieur Tootite,”Well… maybe at Applebee’s”.

March 4th, 2014

God Lights Fart

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According to NASA officials, there is simply no other explanation for this image– transmitted by the Hubble Telescope yesterday. Researchers are now searching for signs of bad Mexican restaurants in space.

February 27th, 2014

Nine Year Old Rajneesh Updulhabayamagu- balluluwetanumba Wins National Spelling Bee by Spelling Own Name Correctly

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/jts/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

February 24th, 2014

Inspector General's Report Shows CIA Interrogation Techniques Not Really That Bad

Transcript excerpt from Inspector General’s report

The operations officer made a fist, then with the knuckle of his middle finger protruding, proceeded to give the prisoner a noogie. He then commanded him to pull his own nose hairs out one by one until tears ran down his cheeks. Still facing resistance, the officer forced the prisoner to chug a whole bottle of Mad Dog 357 Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce. Making no headway at this juncture, the prisoner was forced to listen to Leonard Nimoy’s Greatest Hits for 12 hours straight. Then the operations officer tried a new technique—-giving the detainee the silent treatment for a couple of days—just like his wife would when he forgot their anniversary. Sensing the prisoner was ready to crack, the officer followed said course of action by telling him he was not at all pleased with the way he was behaving and that he was going to get a timeout and to go sit in the corner. The overall results of the interrogation were mixed at best. One officer admitted he had little experience torturing detainees and got most of his information from “watching The Three Stooges do funny shit like Moe grabbing Larry’s nose with a pair of pliers.”

February 20th, 2014

North Korea to Open Its Borders to Tourism, Plans Ad Campaign

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Tag Line: “”So much to do, at the end of the day you’ll be shot.”

February 16th, 2014

Geico Gecko Caught in Love Nest With Aflac Duck

Suspected of Engaging in Three Way with Taco Bell Chihuahua

February 10th, 2014

Gitmo Detainees To Be Sent To Boca Raton Retirement Complex

With the closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention facility, the federal government has entered into an agreement with residents of a Boca Raton retirement community to take in some of the detainees. “We have a pull-out couch in the den”, said area resident Sophie Markozitsky.

It’s expected that the prisoners will be subjected to a constant barrage of nagging, noodging and not being able to get a word in edgewise. One Gitmo detainee, Ali Abdullah Abooboo has actually been staying at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Sol Fluckerman for the last three weeks. During a recent mahjong game by the pool, they and their neighbors regaled him with six hours of virtually nonstop complaining about feeling gassy and rude salespeople. Mr. Abooboo was overheard pleading, “Please Allah, I beg you, kill me now.”

A Marine spokesman seemed almost sympathetic. “Don’t get me wrong, these detainees are bad people, but no one deserves this.”