With the closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention facility, the federal government has entered into an agreement with residents of a Boca Raton retirement community to take in some of the detainees. “We have a pull-out couch in the den”, said area resident Sophie Markozitsky.

It’s expected that the prisoners will be subjected to a constant barrage of nagging, noodging and not being able to get a word in edgewise. One Gitmo detainee, Ali Abdullah Abooboo has actually been staying at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Sol Fluckerman for the last three weeks. During a recent mahjong game by the pool, they and their neighbors regaled him with six hours of virtually nonstop complaining about feeling gassy and rude salespeople. Mr. Abooboo was overheard pleading, “Please Allah, I beg you, kill me now.”

A Marine spokesman seemed almost sympathetic. “Don’t get me wrong, these detainees are bad people, but no one deserves this.”