June 1st, 2015

Rand Paul Blocks Senate Pizza Delivery Order



“I’ll be goshdarned if anything gets through the Senate, and I mean anything.  I’m talking total obstruction here. I don’t care how hungry my esteemed colleagues get. It wouldn’t kill some of these shlubs to skip a meal anyway.” Senator Paul, doing his best stoner imitation, filibustered for 17 hours straight by changing his Pizza Hut order 6,542 times. “I’ll have pepperoni, mushroom and sausage. Nah, come to think of it, hold the pepperoni…..Hold on, y’know what I could really get into? A little bacon on there. Mmmmm, luuuuuv bacon. And hey, how about some green bell peppers and red onions on there on like half of it? Yeah y’know, make it healthy and stuff. Course, I wouldn’t mind some barbecue sauce dumped all over everything…sorta Texas style…….”

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